Royally Fucked

By Lee Savino

 

Chapter 1

 

“He has a dick the size of the Empire State building–and an ego to match.” The blonde on screen says with a perfectly arched eyebrow. The gossip newscaster across from her nods.

I hit pause on my phone, and the video stops just as the blonde leans forward to impart another juicy secret about Theodore Kensington’s dick. Her boobs look like they’re going to topple out of her shiny pink blouse.

“Someone’s already got a book deal to kiss-and-tell,” I murmur to the frozen blonde on my phone screen. “No way you came up with that line on your own.”

Scrolling through the rest of the news article, I shift to ease the pinch of my high heels This fancy marble doorstep isn’t helping my feet any. I’ve been up since five a.m. to dress and check out of the hotel, and take a cab to this modern palace north of New York City. The driver had just pulled through the opulent gates when my Oogle feed starts going nuts. I always set up a news alert so I can stay up to date with what the media is saying about my Public Relations clients.

“Theo Kensington has a long history of loving and leaving a trail of broken hearts. He’s the son of a Swedish princess and an American businessman. Heir to the Kensington fortune. Kensington, Inc. alone is valued at $400 billion.”

“He has incredible…assets,” the blonde cackles.

“He’s actually a prince, right?”

“That’s right. But he doesn’t like to talk about it. Prince or not, doesn’t matter. In the bedroom, he’s a god.”

I pause the video. The blonde on screen isn’t the first to call Theo Kensington a god. Last year, a popular Hollywood darling tweeted, “Prince in the streets, god in the sheets,” accompanied by a picture of the ‘god’ in her bedroom. A very naked god. The tweet was deleted, but not after it got seven thousand likes and reshares.

And now he’s in the media again. Prince or god, he’s my new PR project.

I pocket my phone and ring the doorbell again, but I’m not surprised no one is here to greet me. Mr. Kensington’s staff is probably watching the same media channels I am.

A shadow rises in the stained glass on either side of the door, and then the lock clicks open. A bear of a man with a shaved head and muscles straining his button-down shirt stands in the doorway.

Mr. Evans, my direct report. Head of security for Theodore Kensington.  

“Have you seen it?” Evans says without preamble. “The sex tape?”

“Yes, I was just watching the interview…” I rewind what he said. “Wait, there’s a second sex tape? Another one?”

“Just hit this morning.”

Shit. I fumble with my phone. “I thought they were referring to the last one, the one with the porn star,” I wrack my brain for the name of the blonde in the interview. “Pepper something.”

“Pepper Spice. And no. This is a new one. A redhead. At least, I think that’s what she is. She’s not too clear in the video. Mr. Kensington, however…”

“Shit.” This time I say it out loud.

“Exactly,” Evans answers, grim-faced. He leans down and picks up my suitcase. “Normally I’d let you get settled in but—”

“We need to get ahead of this,” I interrupt. “Where is—”

A bright orange Maserati roars down the drive. Bass on full blast, it zooms around the fountain accompanied by Metallica and squeals of delight. The air shudders as the car slides to a stop.

Three ladies trip out of the convertible, laughing. Sleek hair, huge boobs and tiny handbags. They barely look at us as they head down a manicured walkway towards the pool.

A dark-haired man folds out of the car, heavy metal still blasting from the stereo like a theme song. He doesn’t bother to turn off the car, or shut the door before he tosses the keys to Evans, who catches them with a blank expression.

“Park it out back for me, Evans? Thanks, man,” the new arrival says, and turns his smirk on me. I recognize him right away—the gorgeous, tanned face from this morning’s tabloids.

Theo Kensington. Billionaire. Playboy. Prince.

My new boss.

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