Between the Sheets: An Interview with Measha Stone

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Between the Sheets is back with an interview with author Measha Stone, who opens up about her real life BDSM adventures…
 
Which came first–writing about spanking or living it?     Living it.  I was writing Historical Romance when I first starting writing, and even though my favorite books included a spanking, I didn’t know there were actually spanking stories/books out there. That it was an actual thing. When I found Bethany’s woodshed, my stories got a little naughtier- the laird was itching to spank his Lady. And then I found my submissive side and they got way naughtier- in the best possible way!
 
How is writing a spanking story different than living it?  Writing a spanking story is fantasy. I can make the Dom say all the Domly things that make me turn into a gooey puddle. I can make him mean in a sexy way that I might not find all that sexy in real life.
 
What is your literary pet peeve? Something you read about in erotica that’s totally different from real life? Maybe even dangerous or incorrect.   First time anal sex scenes. Anal sex isn’t completely painfree- Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good discomfort, and not dangerous when done correctly.  It’s when I see scenes where the woman has never had so much as a finger in her backside, the hero simply announces that he’s going to take her there and plunges in that makes me cringe. First of all, the number one rule for anal sex is LUBE LUBE LUBE. Rubbing his member along her folds to gather her wetness isn’t enough- especially for the first time.  I don’t think it takes away from the sex scene to write the anal sex a bit more realistically. It not only shows that the author knows what they’re talking about, but shows the hero to be the loving and caring Dominant he is.
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Tell us about some of your favorite experiences. (And where can we read about them?) Every year my husband and I try to attend at least one event. We either attend Kinky Kollege here in Chicago, or we will venture out into the woods for a Twisted Tryst weekend. Twisted Tryst is my favorite because it’s complete immersion into the kinky side of life. We don’t have to change into “street” clothes at any time during our time there, and we can play anywhere and with any equipment any time of day. Sex in the woods? Yes, please!
 
Here is a blog post I did about our Kinky Kollege weekend in 2014 https://meashawrites.com/2014/10/20/kinky-kollege/
And here’s one for the Twisted Tryst event from this year, not our best weekend but still fun. https://meashawrites.com/2016/08/15/twisted-tryst-north/
 
What’s your favorite implement? What is your least favorite?   My favorite implement is the flogger- the heavier the better.  I love thuddy and my husband is a bit of a sadist, so he likes the sharp sensations. The flogger can deliver both. The fastest way to send me to subspace with a heavy flogging.  But when he’s feeling his inner sadist come out, the tips of the flogger deliver that sharp sting that makes me yell out the way he likes.   Least favorite is the Dragon Tail. It’s wicked. It can be a very sharp sensation, and just jolts me right out of my head. Fastest way to pull me out of subspace is the Dragon tail.  Usually, if it’s being used, it’s because my husband is in the mood for it- and taking that for him strokes my subby heart, too.
 
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 Let’s check out an excerpt from your latest book…Indebted Heart:
 

“I’m going to spank you with my hand,” he announced and gave her two more hard swats to her backside, leaving a warm tingle behind. “Then I’m going to whip you with my belt. I’m going to show you how a good girl gets the belt.”

His left hand, the one holding the belt, snaked around the front of her belly and gripped her waist, effectively holding her in place as his right hand went to work spreading a warm glow through her entire ass. She moaned from the heat his hand brought, but found the sensation calming, a steady volley of swats, enough to tease her but not enough to satisfy her as he went along. “Such a good girl.” He whispered into her ear before pulling away and stepping back from her.

Mmmmm, the Dom in Indebted Heart is yummy! Buy Now

What advice do you have for someone who wants to convince their partner to spank them?

To be open and honest about your needs and desires. The best way I’ve heard it described is ‘Love Language’.  Everyone has a different love language. One woman feel loved when their partner sends them flowers. Another might feel loved when their partner turns her over his knee for a solid spanking. It’s about needs.  “I feel most loved when ……..”   And be patient. If you’re partners never even considered it before, it’s going to be a lot to sink in. Let them think, feel, and be open to hearing their thoughts and needs as well.

 
Any pointers for a newbie to the spanking scene? As much as you want to jump in to the deep end, don’t. Start off in the zero depth part of the pool and walk in slowly.  Try something new and talk about how it went, what you liked what you didn’t, then repeat. Open communication will help both of you figure out what your limits are, and what you do and don’t want to try again.
 

How did you find your Dom? How does a real life Dom differ from the fantasy? 

I was married for about year before I told him exactly what I wanted when it came to spanking/ D/s.  We dated in high school, and we did play with spanking then and he was good with that. But then I discovered more about myself and what I really wanted, so I brought up D/s to him.  Real life was nothing like fantasy I had built up in my head! In real life, things get in the way. Kids, work, extended family. So, there’s no walking around naked ready to service his every need happening around here. (Much to his dismay) In fantasy, there are no money issues, there are no physical limitations, so everything is possible.  In fantasy the Dom always says exactly the right thing at the right time and in the right tone. In reality the Dom worked all day, had to shuttle a kid to hockey practice, and by the time he helps his submissive wife get the kids settled in bed, he’s as tired as she is.  In reality, it’s a lot more work on both the Dom and the sub’s part than in fantasy. But totally worth it!
 
 
What’s your advice to readers who want to explore their fantasies beyond a spanking story? Read up on your desires, attend a few munches in your area to meet other people in the community. These are great because they are usually in a public setting, and you can be as open or as reserved as you are comfortable with while getting to know the group and yourself. Almost everyone I’ve met in the lifestyle has been willing to answer questions, and help out new people. Because, we’ve all started somewhere.
 
How do you integrate kinky play into your busy life?  It’s not easy.  I have a full time job besides my writing, and we have three young kids at home, so time is hard to find time. For longer play sessions, we usually have to wait until the kids take an overnight trip to the grandparents house.  But if he’s feeling in the mood to be mean (in the best of ways) sometimes he’ll just take me into our closet and do whatever he has planned. Some of these short interludes hit the spot just as much as the longer ones. Other times we wait until the kids are sound asleep and then have some play time- trying to be as quiet as possible.
 
Was your husband a Dom when you met him? What transformed him? We were 16 when we met, so neither of us had any idea about any of this- well that’s not entirely true. I did, but I had no words for it.  He did make comments here and there that sparked my submissive side, though I had no idea what that was really at the time. It was only after we were married for a year that I found out about D/s, Domestic Discipline and BDSM. And what an eye opener that was!  Shortly after that, I brought it to him and things sort of evolved from there. I of course wanted everything that second!  Which was never going to happen, and I don’t suggest anyone jump into the deep-end like that. It almost ruined everything for us. Once I got it in my head to take our time, let things happen more naturally, they started working.  The more I submitted, the more he dominated. Whereas at the beginning I thought it would be the other way around. I think that helped him the most. My not fighting him for control. When he felt my submission, his dominance became more natural for him.  It will never be as deeply rooted in him as it is me, but it’s there. It’s part of us, and we both agree that our marriage, our relationship would not work without our dynamic.
 
What advice do you have for a beginner who wants to check out an event? Where should they start? DO IT!  You can start by going to FetLife.com and finding events in your area or try to find a dungeon in your area- they will have events weekly or monthly. Some might be play eventi_heart_fetlife_200_400x400s, education events, or munches.  Munches generally happen in a public setting, like a restaurant or bar, and there’s no play. Just socializing. These are a great way to meet people in your area that are in the lifestyle, and to get information.  I have yet to meet someone that wasn’t willing to answer questions of those with sincere interest.
 
The larger events always have an orientation to lay out the rules and such. Be sure to attend that.  My first event ever was Twisted Tryst, the four day camping retreat. When I asked my husband if we could go, I thought for sure he’d say no. He’s an introvert and it’s hard getting him to meet people. But he surprised me by saying yes and helping me plan the weekend. So we went from never having seen anything BDSM or D/s related in real life outside of our own play, to full immersion into the kink world.  A bit of a shock at first glance, but after a few hours, we felt at home. The thing to keep in mind is that everyone’s dynamic and play is different. Yours isn’t less than theirs. There will always be those that play more extreme and those that play less intense than you, and that’s fine. All parts of the spectrum can be seen at these events, which leads to great discussions and learning.
 
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The gauntlet: which do you prefer and why:
 
Spanking or whipping?  Spanking!  I don’t like stingy, at least not without a long warm-up prior. Once I’m floating nicely then the sting of a whip is a nice contrast. But overall, Spanking.
 
Handbrush or wooden spoon? Hairbrush.  Again it’s the thud.  Spoons are a little more stingy than the brush.
 
Paddle or belt?  Belt
 
Over the knee or over the bed?  Completely depends on the situation. If I’m craving intimacy then OTK all the way, but if we’re just going for play time sometimes being tied down to the bed or over a bench is too hot to miss out on.
 

Vanilla or chocolate? Vanilla- but with chocolate or caramel sauce.

Beer or wine? Wine
 
Batman or Superman? Batman. He’s alpha with or without his uniform!
 
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Thanks so much for the honesty and advice, Measha!!! Looking forward to reading your latest release! <3
 

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